If last week was up and down, this week has been a bit slidey – or kinda sideways as it were. Deep feelings have been emerging; residues of stuff that has been lurking about in my psyche for a while. I don't usually blog about this kind of stuff but it was rather interesting, so I thought I'd give it a whirl.
Where do I begin and how do I describe this whole process. I have spent the past 25 years of my life in the process of really understanding what it takes to move forward. What keeps us stuck and why it is in fact important to keep moving; to be in the flow of life as opposed to at the effect of and in resistance to life.
So, this is not new territory for me and yet, I have found myself feeling stuck and very challenged around moving myself forward. Normally, this is quite a simple process for me; I figure out what I want, what needs to shift to do that and then bingo, bango – I'm there. I have been testing this technology for a long time and I know it works.
Why, then I ask, have I been stuck? This is a good question and one that I am only now getting to the bottom of. Apparently, I have been holding on to old residues of emotional baggage that extends back to my parent's passing. Grief – frozen in my body and the accompanying despair and apathy – strong words I know – have been keeping me stuck.
I live now in a home that is filled with my parent's memorabilia. Not everything they owned – I have let go of a lot – but there are still memories and pieces of their energy in our home. In some ways, it has been very comforting but in other ways, it has been a daily reminder of what I am missing.
Releasing this grief and letting go of the past has been my process of late. Not pretty and not fun – let me tell you. I have required the services of my husband who has sat with me, listened and helped me through this in what now seems a remarkably short period of time.
The grief may not be all gone but it has indeed been cracked – it is no longer a piece of frozen emotional residue in my body keeping me stuck; it is now a flowing emotional river of love and gratitude to the parents who raised me and loved me.
Moving forward now with emotional clarity and blessed relief.