For a long time I thought that a relationship, especially a soul mate relationship was meant to complete me. The idealized version of the one big love was that all of my wonderful light qualities would be reflected back to me through my partner.
What a shock when I found out the opposite was actually true. More often than not it was my shadow side – or the part of me that I am less than in love with – that showed up in my partner.
Love is like that and relationships are definitely like that. While we wish for the ideal it is often all things unlike the ideal that appear. This is why a soul mate relationship is really a very 'big love' relationship because you need to sincerely love yourself a whole lot to love your partner and yourself exactly as you are.
How many of us go into a relationship with expectations and dreams of how wonderful it will be? And yes, a lot of the time it is wonderful – but certainly not all the time. It is those times when the relationship is difficult that we do indeed grow. That is the point of a 'soul mate' relationship – to grow at the level of your soul.
Embracing the relationship as it is – letting go of expectations of how it should be – this is the stuff of 'spiritual growth' and the path of true love.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
What is a Soul Mate?
A very long time ago I wrote a very brief book on the Soul Mate relationship. I thought it was a nice little book and was happy to have put pen to paper and come up with some thoughts on how this relationship works.
Soon after that, there was a plethora of books, articles, movies etc. on Soul Mates and I became rather embarrassed about my own little book and kind of hid it away so that I wouldn't be connected to it. I tend to be a bit like that; happy to write and think about things when they aren't that popular but once it becomes a cliche - which soul mates did - I tend to move away from the subject matter.
Why I am I now returning to it? Good question and the only answer I seem to have is that the world seems a bit crazy right now and the thing that seems to be front and centre for a lot of people is their relationship. Those that are in one; are acutely aware of what is or isn't working in the relationship. Those that aren't in a relationship seem to be yearning for that one, big love that will make the world ok.
We are in love with love and as much as there is cynicism about relationships and the state of divorce statistics, each of us in the secret and most sacred part of our hearts are aware that it is this one big love that we all desire.
What is the answer to finding your soul mate? Or, elevating the current relationship to that status? Paradoxically, it is to 'let go' and allow it to find you. Love doesn't tend to happen when we are searching - it is something that happens when we least expect it.
It is not dissimilar to when you have lost something - the minute you stop looking - it shows up. It's the same with a relationship - stop looking - set the intention and then let it go.
Today is the first full day of Fall. Looking outside I can see the leaves starting to drop - they are letting go with the knowledge that come spring, the leaves will be back.
In the spirit of the season, we can all learn from the trees. They don't resist what is - they just let go. Trusting that soon - after a good hibernation - they will be full again.
Soon after that, there was a plethora of books, articles, movies etc. on Soul Mates and I became rather embarrassed about my own little book and kind of hid it away so that I wouldn't be connected to it. I tend to be a bit like that; happy to write and think about things when they aren't that popular but once it becomes a cliche - which soul mates did - I tend to move away from the subject matter.
Why I am I now returning to it? Good question and the only answer I seem to have is that the world seems a bit crazy right now and the thing that seems to be front and centre for a lot of people is their relationship. Those that are in one; are acutely aware of what is or isn't working in the relationship. Those that aren't in a relationship seem to be yearning for that one, big love that will make the world ok.
We are in love with love and as much as there is cynicism about relationships and the state of divorce statistics, each of us in the secret and most sacred part of our hearts are aware that it is this one big love that we all desire.
What is the answer to finding your soul mate? Or, elevating the current relationship to that status? Paradoxically, it is to 'let go' and allow it to find you. Love doesn't tend to happen when we are searching - it is something that happens when we least expect it.
It is not dissimilar to when you have lost something - the minute you stop looking - it shows up. It's the same with a relationship - stop looking - set the intention and then let it go.
Today is the first full day of Fall. Looking outside I can see the leaves starting to drop - they are letting go with the knowledge that come spring, the leaves will be back.
In the spirit of the season, we can all learn from the trees. They don't resist what is - they just let go. Trusting that soon - after a good hibernation - they will be full again.
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