The Soul Mate Conundrum

Valentines week is coming to an end and I was thinking that it might be a good time to offer up some of my thoughts and ideas on the 'Soul Mate' relationship. A number of years ago I wrote a very brief book on Soul Mates. It was in the very early days of my relationship with the husband and to be perfectly honest, I really didn't have a clue what it was about. Not that I am so super wise now, but 20 years on, I feel like I can at least offer my two cents worth.

So, why do I call it a conundrum, you ask? Good question and I will do my best to answer without creating too much confusion. The conundrum is that a Soul Mate Relationship has been romanticized so much in books, songs, magazines and the media that the reality is often a complete and total shock to the individuals involved.

The words 'you complete me' have become synonymous with the ideal soul mate relationship and to a degree it's true. It is like two parts fitting together to make a whole but the challenging bit is that each of you are coming together to make two wholes – not two halves into a whole. This is where the challenge begins.

Looking into the face of your mate is like looking at the part of yourself that you don't completely know and may not be completely in love with either. It takes a huge amount of maturity, honesty and humility to look into this mirror and tell the truth about what you see. The part you don't quite love about the other is really the part you don't love about you.

So, this is the 'Soul Mate' conundrum – we want to so much to fall in love and feel complete but what we get is the opportunity to love ourselves as we are and thereby, feel and be complete. This can get a bit confusing – as I mentioned at the beginning – so bear with me if you are feeling a bit lost.

The mate to your soul is the feminine or masculine aspect of you – the part you may not be paying a whole lot of attention to. That is why it can look unfamiliar and at times, rather unpleasant. If you think about some of the really famous 'Soul Mate' relationships – think Liz Taylor and Richard Burton – not always a pleasant picture. They were famous for their raging fights and breakups – as well as for their deep love and marriages. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em – is a bit of what it feels like.

T'is a conundrum alright and one that I find myself learning to love.